Lying, according to Kant, takes away human freedom by making rational choice impossible. Furthermore, it damages our capacity for rational thought altogether; truth and falsity become indistinguishable to someone unaccustomed to truth. Aristotle, however, argued that honesty is a virtue insofar as it is appropriate, done wisely and well. I tend to err on the side of "over-share" or so I've been told. Perhaps that's why I prefer Kant's discussion of lying.
When I cover Kant in my classes, I survey my students' opinions on the morality of falsehood. Most think that telling a lie in certain cases is a kindness, if it spares needlessly hurt feelings. On the other hand, everyone agrees that being lied to is a horrible feeling. When someone lies, they enslave others. I am not free to choose without knowing what my options are and when the liar obscures my options I am a slave.
In rehab, at least during my stay at New Hope, they discourage people in recovery from making confessions of infidelity. They said it would relieve guilt, but ruin the relationship and only cause pain. There is something to that--it is hard to admire truth when it causes so much pain and is told to ease the teller's guilt. Ultimately, though, respect for human freedom must trump the immediate gratification of human comfort.
Adrienne Rich echoes Kant's call for radical honesty: “Lying is done with words, and also with silence.” It isn't enough to utter true things, we must utter all that others deserve to know, and others deserve to know everything that might affect their choices. Lying, even with good intention, manipulates others to choose or be as we prefer them: comfortable, complacent, under control.
Truth, when shared courageously, is a thrill because it is rare. Here I defer to Adrienne Rich.
An honorable human relationship–that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love”–is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying for both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.
It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.
It is important to do this because in so doing we do justice to our own complexity.
It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.
~Adrienne Rich, “Women and Honor: Some Notes on Lying"
Who will go that hard way?
Who will go that hard way?
